Congratulations, you’re engaged. Whether on a mountain top, in your living room or at a restaurant: it happened. And now you’re sitting there, wearing a ring, thinking: “What do we actually do now?”

Here’s the honest answer: nothing at first.

Step 1: don’t rush

Nothing is on fire in the first days after the engagement. Let it sink in. Tell your closest people, celebrate, post a photo if you want, but don’t start with venues and spreadsheets.

Being engaged is its own phase. It has value on its own. Whoever flips straight into planning mode misses these weeks.

Give yourselves at least 2 to 4 weeks of pause before wedding planning begins. During that time you can let a few thoughts sort themselves in the background, no more.

Step 2: announce in order

Who hears it first? A small but important order:

Closest family (parents, siblings), in person or by phone
Best friends, in person or by phone
Extended family and friends, call, message, meet up
Acquaintances and colleagues, social media is fine

The Facebook post or Instagram story comes only after steps 1 and 2. Nobody wants to find out via social media that their daughter or best friend got engaged.

Step 3: settle the five core questions

Before you start planning anything, settle these five as a couple, they’re the pillars everything else rests on:

1. When do we want to get married?

Season? Year? Dates that matter (birthdays, anniversaries)? A rough idea is enough, “Summer 2027” is fine, “9 June 2027” isn’t necessary yet.

2. How many guests?

A rough number. You can sharpen it later. What matters is the order of magnitude: 25, 50, 80, 150 people?

3. What’s our budget?

Now it gets concrete. Be honest:

How much can WE afford out of pocket?
Are parents or others contributing, and if so, how much?
How much do we realistically want to spend?
What’s the absolute ceiling (that we won’t cross)?

An average German wedding costs around €17,000, but the range is €5,000 to €50,000. Your number depends on your life situation.

4. What style?

Small and intimate or big and festive? Classic or modern? City or countryside? Indoor or outdoor? Start gathering images, moods, ideas, Pinterest or a shared phone album is enough.

5. Who takes the lead?

Realistically, most of it ends up resting on one person. Who’s that for you? How can you share it more fairly? What role should the wedding party or parents play?

Step 4: lock in the big “when”

Once the five core questions are settled, the next step: a concrete wedding date, or at least a few preferred dates.

Worth knowing:

Peak season May to September is much more popular than the rest of the year, good venues and vendors often gone 12+ months in advance
Saturdays are the most popular day, Fridays and Sundays have better availability and often lower prices
Lucky-number dates like 06.06.2027 or 02.02.2027 book out especially fast
Bridging days and holidays make travel easier for guests

If you’re flexible: keep two or three preferred dates. That makes venue hunting much easier.

Step 5: the first “hard” bookings

Once you have a rough date, two things really have to be booked early:

Reserve the registry-office slot

Even though the official registration is only possible 6 months out, the reservation at the registry office often works 12 to 18 months in advance. Do it.

Enquire about venues

The most popular venues are gone 12 to 18 months before. Pick 5 to 8 venues, email them, visit 2 to 3. Decide in the first 1 to 2 months of planning.

With the registry office and venue set, you’ve put down the two key anchors. Everything else can build on them.

Step 6: book the “early” vendors

In the first 3 to 4 months of planning, lock in these vendors, because they’re also often booked far in advance:

Catering (often tied to the venue)
Wedding photographer (good photographers are gone 9–18 months out)
Music (DJ or band)
Celebrant (for a civil ceremony)

Everything else, flowers, outfits, stationery, decor, can come later without stress.

Step 7: set up a wedding fund

Very practical tip: open a joint wedding account or separate savings account. Into it goes:

The money you put aside regularly (e.g. €300 per month)
Contributions from parents or family
Possibly the budget for the rings

That way wedding money doesn’t mix with the everyday account and you keep a clear view.

Step 8: pick a wedding-planning tool

At the latest now you need structure. Spreadsheets work, but for broad planning they turn messy fast. Online tools, wedding apps or a classic planner help you keep the overview.

What a good solution should offer:

Checklists with timing
Budget tracking
Guest list with RSVP
Vendor management
Document storage

Give yourself 30 minutes, look at a few options, decide. Switching mid-process is annoying.

What you don’t need in the first months

A few things you can safely push to later:

Wedding dress (good boutiques recommend 6–8 months out)
Florals (4–6 months out)
Invitations (send 4–6 weeks out, design before)
Seating plan (start 2–3 months out)
Day-of details (2–3 months out)
Speeches from the wedding party (4–6 weeks out)

Trying to plan everything in parallel burns you out early.

The most important rule

Your wedding isn’t a competition. Not against other couples, not against Pinterest, not against your families’ expectations. It’s your day.

What the “right” wedding is, you both define. The rest is background noise.

What Marrily takes off your plate

Marrily is built exactly for these first chaotic weeks. You enter once: date (or rough window), guest count, budget, style. Miri automatically creates a full to-do list of roughly 99 tasks, time-sorted.

You instantly see what’s next, what can wait, what has a deadline. Instead of staring at a blank spreadsheet, unsure where to begin, you have a plan from day one.

Marrily is free to start. If in the coming weeks you realise you need more, RSVP, seating plan, vendor management, you can upgrade any time. No subscription, pay once, use until after the wedding.

Join the waitlist on marrily.de, Miri’s waiting. ✨

Just engaged? The first steps towards the wedding